I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
