One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
