thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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