how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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