Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
