I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
