I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
