Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
