I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
