i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize