She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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