Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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