I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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