DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
