would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
