The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
