Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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