This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
