So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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