I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
