I cockslap morals
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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