Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My vagina just clenched in fear
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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