VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
