when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
