dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
