Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
