When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
