Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
