found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
