to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
