She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
