do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize