im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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