Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
