I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
