you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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