she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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