I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
