It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize