tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do vagina's smell?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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