I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
