why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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