i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My balls are so social today.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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