this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
