just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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