dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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