i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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