Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
