my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
