Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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