i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize