I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh god it's open bar.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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