please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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