Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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