i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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