Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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