Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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