just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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