As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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