K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
