I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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