just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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