i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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