Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
