Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize