I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
