he puts the penis in happiness.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
