Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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