The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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