i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
