OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize